Oh WAIT.  That was last year’s favorite.  Yeah, I didn’t watch a SINGLE commercial last night.  I didn’t see more than four plays total during the entire game.  And I missed MOST of the half-time show.  So basically, I was at a Super Bowl party that was so super, I didn’t spend much time with the Bowl.  Except a chili bowl!  Hubs’ chili came in second and only lost by ONE point.  If only he had scored his own creation higher!

So I need to catch up on what the great commercials were!  Last year I LOVED the Eminem for Chrysler commercial and the Volkswagen commercial with the Darth Vader kid.  So cute!

In the 2011 Eminem/Chrysler bit, the narrator says:

“It’s the hottest fires that make the hardest steel.”

So it’s time to light THIS fire.

Today I met with my “lady doctor” and told her that my hope was to come to her office at this time next year because I’m pregnant.  I’ve got to get my body and mind prepared for this goal.  And I WANT to do it.  So it’s time to be aggressive. B-E. A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

This week:

• Tuesday: 35 mins elliptical + 1 mile walk on treadmill

• Wednesday: 35 mins elliptical + 1 mile walk on treadmill

• Thursday: 35 mins elliptical + 1 mile walk on treadmill

• Friday: 35 mins elliptical + 1 mile walk on treadmill

I Can. I Will. I Must!

I’ve been feeling pretty low.  Not like end of the world low, not like my life is a disaster low, just disappointed about the current state of my body and how I’m taking care of myself. 

I’m trying, and yet I’m not, so in reality I can only be angry, upset, blame myself.  I don’t like being in that place.  I am much more of a celebrate, pat myself on the back, toot my own horn kind of gal.  And despite having a lot of things together (a wonderful relationship, great friends, finances, a financial plan to pay off debt, goals for a future family that align with my husband’s) I just feel BLEH about my weight and activity.  And despite tracking at WW, I’m not doing MUCH else about it.  Despite feeling SO BAD ASS last week after my elliptical workout, I haven’t been back to the gym.  Ugh. 

But the universe called to me today, and I read a couple of blog posts that really gave me a chance to think, some perspective and made me feel like, I’m not alone and I can improve.  Callie at The Wannabe Athlete wrote a post, “Redefining Ourselves” in which she said: 

“So no matter what you thought when you looked in the mirror today, no matter what you thought when you saw that last photo of you and no matter what the scale said this morning… 

Your size does not define you.  

Today I challenge you to think of three words that do define you.” 

So I wrote the first three words that came to mind: Capable, Strong, Persistent. Not fat, slow, mess which is how I’ve been feeling on the surface.  Without really having to think, I found the words that live deep inside and the words that I will use to propel me forward. 

Then Cassie at Back to Her Roots wrote, “the scale and the closet,” in which she stated, “But living in this future world of “might” is cheating my present.”  Brilliant.  Sometimes I dwell too much on the fact that I DID lose 135 pounds and how embarrassed (cause I am) that I regained it (all but 20 pounds) back.  I dwell so much that days, weeks, months end up slipping by during which I don’t do anything to change my current state and couldn’t tell  you many special things that happened during that time.  Not that every day has to be special, but they all have the potential to be, and I’m wasting it on 115 pounds. 

I needed to hear from these ladies today.  Thank you universe or blogosphere for sending these messages my way.  I’m feeling a bit renewed for the day.  I KNOW I am capable, strong and persistent.  I will live every day focusing on those facts first, instead of the 115 pounds I regained.  But I will also REALLY start to work towards working those pounds back off.  Because back in Onderland, I’m unstoppable.

So I feel deserving of my hunger, because I know I put myself through a pretty intense (for me, at this point) workout this morning.  Hungry never felt so good.

I love the message.  But I’m never going to look like that.  If I did, well that would be just wonderful.  And I would take my flying car to the gym, too.  So I decided to recreate to motivate ME.

12 weeks.  I’ve got 12 weeks.