Inspired by Ashley, and with thoughts of perhaps submitting my own story, I reopened my blog post recapping that amazing day (VICTORY! SUCCESS! GLORY! aka GWEN!).  I couldn’t get past the first few lines.  I couldn’t actually read the whole thing, I skimmed through it, probably because I don’t feel like that woman anymore.  I paused on this paragraph, perhaps the most telling in the entire post, and the only one I could read in its entirety.

Last night when I went upstairs to go to bed, I got in bed and I cried. I teared up and cried lightly at the finish, but last night, I really, seriously wept. It was a lot of things (NOT among them was disappointment with my time) – the fact that my legs were so seriously sore, the fact that my family would leave in the morning after a really great weekend, but what I really think I cried about, was the fact that it was over. Now what? This has been such a huge part of my life, and not just only for the last five months, but a goal I essentially set out to accomplish four years ago. And I did it! YEAH! But seriously, what next? I think that was what made me cry the most.

And then I regained all the weight I lost and get achy after a 3 mile walk.  Cue sad, dramatic music here.

Being thin(ner) and running a marathon did not mean I was a better person, but it MADE me a better person.  Do you get what I mean?  I have a very hard time separating weight and worth, but I am able to recognize that I am more than a number on the scale, more than the number of races I’ve run.  I’m still the same woman today that I was nearly three and a half years ago, I’ve just lost a little of my shine.  That shine can absolutely come back.

Maybe not today, but soon I’ll reread that blog post, and I’ll cry a little more over how proud I am of myself for that time I lost 135 pounds and ran a marathon.  And I’ll make it all pretty and submit it to Ashley in case she’d like to share it.  Because my story is worth sharing. 

It will make an even better story when I’ve done it all again.  Cause I will. Just watch me.

However, today I’m going to talk in general terms about work.  I’m headed out-of-town for our annual meeting on Friday.  The day I fly home will actually be my 8 year anniversary with GwenniePieCo, and I can honestly say, that I love my job.  Even the psychic Maria that I saw two weeks ago (YES! I saw a psychic at a girlfriend’s birthday party.  Also, I went to NYC this weekend.  I need to start blogging on the regular…), sensed that I love what I do, that everyone at GPCo loves me and that things in this department are beyond AOK.

When I started 8 years ago, my job was much different.  I was fresh out of college, had been nannying full-time for 5 months (for an amazing family, her’s to be exact), and yet was desperate for a “grown up” job.  Which is why I accepted an entry-level job that would allow me to take home LESS than I made nannying (true story, though the hours weren’t as long!) in order to start my career.  I was between an intern and a staff assistant by DC standards.  My most important daily tasks involved photo copying and distributing a daily DC newsletter and sending out electronic correspondence to members.  I was the department bitch.  The fun thing, 8 years later, is that those are all still my jobs! PLUS moderating and coordinating major industry meetings, covering legislative issues, working on GPCo communications, and most recently, creating and implementing our social media strategy. I feel truly blessed that I love my job 8 years later.  That it has continued to grow with me, to change and become a position that I own and that I excel at.  And I love the people.  And luckily, they love me too.  I’ve been recognized for the last 5 years as one of the top ten employees at GPCo by my peers.  That’s huge to me. “They like me, they really like me!” I take that shiz to heart.

So as I embark on this, my eighth annual meeting with GPCo (Vegas, Seattle, San Diego, DC, Philly, Dallas, Atlanta and now Phoenix) where we have 6:45am staff meetings and work 13 hour days (and then stay out much too late socially), I am excited to spend time with my coworkers outside of the office.  My feet hurt already, I dread the little sleep I will receive, and I miss my husband already too.  But I know it will be great!

This is a REALLY LONG way to say – I’m disappearing for the week!  Don’t forget me! I plan to be BACK in an even better and bigger way in early May!

Book club.  “Double Bind.”  Not actually the book that I wanted to talk about.  If you know me IRL, you know I’ve only had three books on my brain since the end of March.

These books CONSUMED me. I read the first one in a day and a half, exceptionally speedy for me.  By day 3, I’d read the first two, and I finished the third within the week.  I was reading them on my iPhone at my desk at lunch (scandalous!).  At stop lights (for some ridiculous reason, I had to leave the couch!). They are literally all that I can discuss with anyone.  And I’ve now read them all twice.  Well the “good parts” at least.  Yes.  That’s right, the “good parts.”

It’s no secret that these books are a bit…naughty?  Dirty?  Graphic?  They’ve been all over the news, and the cover of Entertainment Weekly.  I decided to read them, just to see what the buzz was.  The buzz is entirely appropriate.  I now follow far too many Twitter accounts associated with this book and its characters.  No, really.

I’m dying to see them made into a movie (could they even show it in the theatre?!).  I considered starting a blog JUST about them (which I changed my mind about, Hubs is significantly more private than I am) because without going into too many details, these books “inspired” me if you will.  They are crack.  They are Harlequin Romance novels on steroids, speed, and with a massive soundtrack blaring in the background.   Not that I’ve ever read a Harlequin Romance novel, but for assumption sake.

Please do yourself a favor.  I won’t stop bugging you until you read them.  I’d let you borrow them, but they are on my Kindle (and my iPhone, and I might make Hubs read them too – NO REALLY).  I’m not going to stop talking about them.  Addicted.  Or, as the fans say on the Twitter #Greysessed.

(book images from Amazon.com)

I’m still plaguing my efforts with fits and starts followed by a whole lot of nothing.  Not perfect.  And I know I’m not trying to be perfect, just better, but still.  I’m not sure why finding my courage to start (and keep going) is so illusive “This Time.”  But I desperately seek to change that.

Some inspiration I’ve been collecting…

Oh, and these aren’t bad either!

Thanks Gwyneth, you make a good point.  I’ve got this. PS Love your name.  Pinterest is great for inspiration – follow me!