End Fat Talk NOW!

You’re just like my beautiful wife.  You unnecessarily undervalue yourself.  Why do women do that?

That is a variation of what a friend said to me a few weeks ago at dinner.  We weren’t discussing weight, or body image, or self esteem, but I think that his comments can be applied in that realm too.  And so I ask, why DO we as women undervalue ourselves?  Why do we put ourselves down?  Why do I put myself down?

I am a victim of Fat Talk.  Which also means that I’m the guilty party as well.  Although I have always had a great sense of self worth (thanks for recognizing Kate!) I am totally guilty of participating in Fat Talk, shamefully so, about myself and others (isn’t that even worse?!).

Fat Talk describes all of the statements made in everyday conversation that reinforce the thin ideal and contribute to women’s dissatisfaction with their bodies. Examples of Fat Talk include: “I’m so fat,” “Do I look fat in this?”, “I need to lose 10 pounds” and “She’s too fat to be wearing that swimsuit.” Statements that are considered Fat Talk don’t necessarily have to be negative; they can seem positive yet reinforce the need to be thin — “You look great! Have you lost weight?”

- Tri Delta’s

I’ve shared with you on more than one occasion about my struggle with weight.  It is a struggle.  It is a battle.  It is a journey.  And because of Fat Talk and unrealistic society standards and norms, my struggle, my battle, my journey have been even more difficult.  For so much of my life, I wanted to lose weight to be thin.  Not to be healthy.  Not to be happy in my skin.  To be thin.  Skinny.  Slender.  Which of course automatically translates into happy, successful, accomplished, powerful, meaningful, important, accepted.  Right?

Not.  True.

Being happy, successful, accomplished, meaningful, important, and accepted are not and should not be tied to how society sees me.  Those qualities and achievements have to be based on how I see myself.  I have to accept myself.  Whether 323 pounds or 150.  I have to accept who Gwen is, and that has little to do with how she looks.  You have to accept that.  YOU, society.  Judgemental bitch beast.

Society has let Fat Talk reign free and dominate for too long. 

The painful scars of being the biggest person in the room and being uncomfortable in my skin and with who I am based on society’s standards and other people’s opinions will never fully vanish.  They aren’t scars that you can see.  In fact, they are scars that I’ve hidden well under my self confidence for a very long time, pausing to take a peak while in the dark, alone.

No.  More.

My struggle, my battle, my journey must be positive.  I must be positive.  So what, if I’ve regained 41 of the pounds that I worked so hard to lose.  That does not mean I am a bad person.  Doesn’t mean I love H any less.  Doesn’t mean I’m not good at my job.  Doesn’t mean anything about WHO I AM.  Should I want to lose that weight again because it means I will have the opportunity to live a longer life with my loved ones and have a chance to really impact the world that I live in.  HELL YES!  And I will work to do that.  But not simply to be skinny. 

Weight does not define me.

Just because  it rains doesn’t make it any less of a day, right?

A friend’s husband said to me last Friday night “You look great!”  And I immediately Fat Talked it out “Oh no!  I’ve regained so much.”  Um.  Clearly he didn’t notice.  Or even if he did, he was being nice and paying me a compliment.  Even if it was hard, I should have taken a deep breath, flashed my GwenniePie smile and simply said, “Thank You.”

The goals I have for myself in my life are no longer tied to being skinny.  Don’t get me wrong, I like skinny.  I find skinny desirable – Skinny lattes, Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches…but I don’t have to BE skinny to achieve my dreams.  To be valued.  By myself or society.

So I’m asking you to join me.  Next week, October 19 – 23, is Delta Delta Delta’s (Tri Delta’s) 2nd annual Fat Talk Free Week - an international, 5-day public awareness effort to draw attention to body image issues and the damaging impact of the thin ideal on women in society.  I learned about this important nationwide activism even from Caitlin at Healthy Tipping Point (thanks Caitlin!).  She shared this video, and I knew I wanted to be part of this.

I’m inviting all of you to join me and sign the End Fat Talk promise.  Committ to it for yourself, your friends, your family, and for the millions of women just like you, that you don’t even know and will never meet, but who we are encouraged to judge or mock because of society.  Also check out the End Fat Talk website and Facebook page. 

Most importantly, don’t just remember or realize for the first time your worth, but celebrate it.  Do not unnecessarily put yourself down.  I mean, there is never a necessary reason to do so anyway.  LOVE YOURSELF!  (I do!).

Next week I want to really focus on ending Fat Talk here at GwenniePie!  If you’d like to participate let me know!  I’d love to share other women’s (and men’s) stories on this here.  Just email me!

Now quick, go look in the mirror and hug yourself.  Or come here, I’ll do it.  Because regardless of what you look like or how much you weigh, you’re beautiful.  And amazing.  And worthy of all you dream. 

Just like me.